Benson Harris Wallace, Esq. (2.0): Spring Pruning

While you might expect this term to apply only to plants, it is a little known fact that this annual ritual is also performed by a member of the animal kingdom. The Bensonius Lupus Maximus, usually found in central China around the Yangtze River delta, and occasionally in warmer climates in South East Asia and North East Australia, will every year cut off his long, shaggy winter mane to make way for new growth in the spring. We were lucky enough to capture this on camera:

Looking like I just got back from a
performance of my latest opus

Got the threads, but now I need the haircut

About to go "under the knife"

The corporate effect was instant

I scrub up alright, don't you think?

And while we're on the subject of hair and hairy people, here's one from the archives:

A Beginner’s Guide to Beard Art – by Benson Wallace

the following beard configurations should only be attempted under the strict supervision of a beard art practitioner

(The original version was published in the University of Queensland Semper, November 2001. This edition has since been updated to include recent beard experiments)

What is beard art?

Beard art is technically defined as the deliberate trimming of facial hair to produce a distinctive pattern. Beard art can be anything from a small pair of sideburns through to a full beard. Although it is still a matter of debate among academics in the field as to whether a full beard is counted as beard art, in this article, we will include them in our definition. Standard beards such as the goatee, the moustache and the sideburns will not be covered in this article, as they are already in common use. This article will concentrate on what people usually think of when they hear the words “beard art”, that is, unusual and eccentric beard patterns.

Getting Started

Before you unleash your facial hair on the world, make sure you have enough of it. Depending on the complexity of the beard art you are attempting, you should have a good even coverage over your entire face after 4 or 5 days. Do not attempt beard art if your facial hair is in any way patchy, wispy or fluffy.

This is an example of a good “blank canvass”

A slightly overgrown canvass

Do not attempt beard art if your beard looks like this

Equipment

You will need a high quality razor that gives a close shave but is not too bulky. The Schick FX or the Gillete Mach 3 are both good all-round beard art razors, but their precision is not quite high enough for some delicate operations. For beginners, however, these are probably the best razors to start with.

Conventional shaving cream is not good for beard art as it can easily get in the way and obscure your vision of the masterpiece. Nowadays you can buy shaving cream that stays on the face as a clear gel; this is much better for precision shaving.

For longer-term projects, it may also be helpful to have a beard trimmer or a pair of beard trimming scissors.

Basic Rules

Symmetry – as a general rule, beard art should be symmetric. That is, it should be mirrored about the line that runs down the nose and finishes at the chin. A good example of how symmetry can be used is shown below. This beard is modeled on Samuel L. Jackson’s beard in the movie “Shaft”. Note the careful trimming of the moustache and the appropriate use of accessories.

The Shaft beard, also known as the Omega beard

There are always exceptions to the rule though, and recently a new movement known as Avante-Garde beard art has been emerging, which features asymmetric beard patterns. Some examples of this are shown below.

The Microphone Beard – so named because it resembles a headset mic

The half beard, as seen on the Bic razor ad

Maintenance – how often should you trim your work of art once it has been carved out? The general rule about trimming beard art is that the frequency of trimming should be directly proportional to the complexity of the beard. For example, a simple beard, such as the large sideburns shown below, is best left to its own devices, and trimming should be kept to a minimum.

Lamb Chops should be left to their own devices

Benson would often get moody during full moons

Complex beards, such as the “Lightning Bolt” beard, need to be trimmed regularly otherwise they will lose their shape.

The Lightning Bolt or Zigzag beard – an example of poor maintenance.

This beard required around 45 minutes of maintenance per day

In addition to regular trimming, often the blank areas of the face need to be shaved daily in order to maintain the beard’s sharp appearance:

A strict shaving routine must be adhered to for successful beard art.

Coverage Factor – The Beard Coverage Factor, or BCF, is the fraction of the face that is covered by hair. It is a number between 0 and 1, and is defined as the ratio of the area covered by beard art to the area of the entire face. You should aim to have a BCF of between 0.2 and 0.5. Too high a BCF can result in a cluttered beard that requires a lot of maintenance. Too small a BCF will make your beard hard to notice.

A warning – do not get over ambitious when you are first starting out with your beard art. Know the limits of your beard growth and keep it simple, otherwise you may end up with some bad experiences. Below are some of the traps you may fall into:

A failed sideburn experiment – a warning to all youngsters out there.

An attempt at an Abraham Lincoln Beard.

A classic example of an over-ambitious beard, and one that few can pull off - the soccerball

Celebrity Beards – a quick review

George Michael: freestyle goatee
BCF: 0.2
Difficulty: medium to high
Comments: obviously well maintained but needs to shave the moustache to a smaller width